I often wonder what people are always planning for. It seems like they spend so much more time planning then implementing. Although I have read that planning for a trip or a party is more exciting and rewarding than the event itself. I suppose the anticipation, the unknown, the possibilities, the dreams, and hopes are all everlasting, until the event happens and then everything is over. For while you were planning it was all just possibilities and thoughts. When you do something, it is happening so much faster than you'd like and then it's over. Plus we all have a hard time being present in the moment which means we don't acknowledge what is happening when it's happening.
Sometimes I think about the day I made the decision to take recovery seriously. I remember sitting in the hospital and wondered what it would actually be like if I did recover. What if I took the chance, what if change really happened. I know how skeptical I remember being, people told me it wasn't possible; yet I was ready, ready for a drastic change. I was sick of being sick. I was exhausted from that lifestyle, I was disgusted with myself, ashamed, and throwing my life away minute by minute.
So instead of planning, I worked on doing. I worked on actively changing my daily thoughts and routines. I started looking at life with a new perspective. I gave credit to myself for where I have been and began to transform what was to what I wanted.
I am married to a man that I met at a writing group and have 2 big dogs that bring a lot of joy to my life. I like to go camping and hiking and spend time with my friends and family. I have been a registered nurse for 10 years and work with people who have mental health issues and people with drug and alcohol addictions. I have been in recovery from my eating disorder since Oct 2013.