"This piece is Acrylic Painting on a canvas.
This started out as an accidental heart...then I tried to make some chakra/rainbow representation...but the canvas turned and I got back to my waterscapes. It was fun, it was spontaneous, it was messy, and most of all distracting.
Recovering from an eating disorder takes some trial-and-error, and A LOT of mind games. In order to love yourself again and recover, there are signals from your own body and voices in your head you have to ignore-to constantly neglect. There’s neurological pathways that have been fed by the conditioning of hunger. They are giving you false hope, false recognition, false satisfaction. It’s a constant battle inside your mind between your senses and your voices...which one is right? Is this even right? It doesn’t feel like it. It consumes you.
It’s tiring, it’s loud, it’s messy, and it’s overwhelming. It’s almost as if it would be easier to stay in the disorder, in the semi-recovery zone, where your body is still celebrated, where your choices and physical existence doesn’t have to be a protest every day.
This piece helped me overcome a lot of strong emotion these past couple months. It’s uncomfortable for me, but it’s my proof. My proof of what’s underneath what’s to come. I’ve thought about covering it up with a lighter, more precise water scene, that makes me feel happier, more content. So far it’s just My Proof."
The Beyond Rules Recovery blog is written by people who are passionate about mental health and wants to spread the message of hope, resiliency, and recovery.